By Robert Scucci
| Published
Long before Jack Black and Kyle Gass gave us Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny (2006), but just a few years after 1988’s Hellbent, there was another Faustian tale about the risks you run when you sell your soul to the devil to shred sweet licks on the guitar. 1991’s Shock ‘Em Dead plays like both films, but is far more ridiculous because of its aesthetic. Tenacious D pushes the concept into stoner comedy territory, while Hellbent leans into the kind of punk rock you hear in the gutter but can’t resist anyway. Shock ‘Em Dead goes full-on hair metal, and it’s a blast to watch play out.
Not only is every intense glare adorned with comically teased hair and spandex, but our hero becomes an absolute monster because of his willingness to part with his humanity in order to become a superstar. From the first-act audition to the demonic finale, Shock ‘Em Dead has no shortage of sick riffs, band breakdowns, and the kind of rocker babes you’d see in an ’80s beer commercial. For those of you who lack culture, it’s about as awesome as it sounds.
Spastic Colon’s Big Break Requires Stunt Guitars
Before Shock ‘Em Dead introduces our protagonist, Angel Martin (Stephen Quadros), we’re first introduced to a band in search of a new lead guitarist: Spastic Colon. Band leader Johnny (Markus Grupa) is very particular about his songwriting and the band’s sound, and even the most talented guitarists get laughed out of their auditions because they don’t meet his incredibly high standards. When Angel leaves his pizza job early, getting fired in the process, to audition for the band, he’s belittled, denied the gig, and left jobless.
Desperate to become a rock star, Angel makes a deal with a Voodoo Woman (Tyger Sodipe), who transforms him into a shred master of the highest order. In exchange for this newfound talent, and all of the accolades that come with it, Angel has to give her his soul. Even worse, in order to sustain himself, he needs to feed on other souls, which is bad news for everybody involved with Spastic Colon, including their manager Lindsay Roberts (Traci Lords), with whom Angel becomes romantically interested.
Just like that, Angel wakes up in a mansion with a new hairdo, surrounded by groupie babes and the kind of guitar collection most working-class people would kill for. It doesn’t hurt that Nitro and Manowar guitarist Michael Angelo Batio worked behind the scenes as a “stunt guitarist,” meaning all of the closeups of Angel’s hands are musically accurate, which is beyond impressive considering their blistering speed.
Things go off the rails quickly as Angel succumbs to his dark cravings while trying to get some alone time with Lindsay, who has every reason to believe sinister forces are controlling Spastic Colon’s new guitarist. Will Angel see the light, or continue down this dark, treacherous path? Or does he have a shot at redemption? The only way to find out is to go to one of their concerts and see for yourself.
How Far Are You Willing To Go?
My favorite part about movies like Shock ‘Em Dead is the band dynamic: clashing egos, larger-than-life personalities, epic blowouts over trivial matters … all of that. Some of the best moments come from the exchanges between Angel and Johnny because the latter can’t stand being overshadowed by his new hired gun. Pretty much overnight, Angel starts stealing the show, and Johnny, dressed in his bright red unitard, has to face the fact that he’s not as hot as he thinks he is. Angel starts rewriting songs and belittling Johnny’s abilities, and Johnny just has to take it while dressed like some sort of demented pirate who listens exclusively to hair metal.
If you’re not a fan of band humor, Shock ‘Em Dead may not be your cup of tea, but if you’re a fan of Tenacious D, Spinal Tap, Dethklok, or Steel Dragon, you’ll feel right at home with this one. It’s a classic Faustian tale as old as time, but one that looks more like Mötley Crüe than The Pick of Destiny. It plays like a horror B-movie because it is one, but it’s not scary by any stretch of the imagination. Its humor comes from grown men acting like divas, which becomes even funnier when you get a load of the outfits everybody is wearing.
Even if you understand that this was, to a degree, the fashion of the time, you can’t help but smirk at how stupid everybody looks while trying to keep a straight face. That alone makes Shock ‘Em Dead worth your time.
As of this writing, Shock ‘Em Dead is streaming for free on Tubi.
